Patient No: 333

Patient No 333 ( Please click here to view a short story in form of PDF )

This is a short diary of a khmer student who is studying in Moscow. He finished writing this short story in April 2009, when he won the battle of trouble time.
In the diary, he intents to express his feeling as a foreign student and the way that he thinks about russian people.

This text is an extract from the original hand writing. The whole story will be published soon.

heng krishna

A Truely Good Friend Is A Gift From Heaven

Love a country starts from FAMILY and FRIENDSHIP

Missing Has Never Been Finished !

Ooo My Cambodia ! My Mother ! My Father ! My Siblings ! My Relatives ! My Friends ! I really really miss you all ! How can I express my deep emotion how much I miss you ! How much I love you !

There are remain only two weeks I’m going to have my first examination. But tonight I’m sitting near the window and looking outside with the feeling of Missing, Missing, Missing to those who is far away in my homeland, Cambodia. Now it’s 2 a.m the sky is too dark. No sound was heard, except the one rain and wind. Nothing visible, except fogs around the campus where I live.

Seeing people with their families makes me feel lonely from family, relatives, friends, my beloved parents and my country- Cambodia. I wonder when I can meet them again. How long I have to spend my life in Moscow to finish my higher education ? I am really moved and want to return to my homeland as soon as I can at the thought of these things. Seeing Russia’s scenery,makes me miss my homeland, homestead, my rice fields, my cows, my dogs and remembrance since my childhood in Kampong Cham province.

In this summer I went to visit the suburb of Moscow for the first time. It can be compared to Kampong Cham provincial town. The night was covered by shiny moon light, accompanied by glittering stars. It was quite cool. The moonlight here is not as nice as the one I used to have in Phnom Penh and in Ta Pao village where it’s surrounded by rubber plants and green trees with the smell of Nakry and Romdul flowers around my house. The sound of barking dogs…These are unforgettable remembrances I used to have in my homeland. Ooooo my homeland, Cambodia! When will I have a chance to see you with honour? 5 years, 10 years or more than these ? I miss you so much mother. I want to return to get a genuine picture of your lives and to share my contribution to Cambodia, the place I really love. I was born in Cambodia and am interested in serving the Khmer people from the bottom of my heart. My strength is nurtured by our beloved Cambodia and I am grateful to her. My hands, my physical strength and my intelligence must be used to help the country.

In the matter of fact, if someone asks me: Why do you want to go back to Cambodia? Do you hate Russia?- Frankly speak without involving with politics, from my heart I tell you that: I love Moscow. I love this country, where it was once called by US president Ronald Reagan ” The kindom of Evil”. I started to know this feeling since the day I walked alone on the long quiet road, where I could see the yellow leaves were falling down under the influence of the wind. This picture is similar to the imagination I used to imagine while I was in Cambodia. However,there is different between Cambodia and Russia. So, what’s the point of living here? It would be better to live in Cambodia than to live here as a foriegner. Moreover, I have to return home as I am eager to see my family; we have been separated for quite a long time. What’s the point of enjoying a lonely life, while my beloved mother is full of sorrow each day because she misses me? Without mental calm and being full of sorrow, how can I enjoy my life here? I would rather face physical difficulties than be worried. This seems to push me to decide to return home as soon as I finish my study. It doesn’t matter what hardships I will face. I would be happy to suffer rather than be worried.

It’s my commitement after finishing higher education in Moscow: I have to go back to my country, no matter how poor and difficult my life will face. I’m satified to bring my little knowledge to help Khmer, to promote the national prestige and to help developing country with my potential khmer people. My hands which have been offered by Khmer must in turn help Khmer.

Eng H.Leng

Truly Great Friends Are Hard To Find, Difficult To Leave, And Impossible To Forget

 

Sir. Khem Chamrong ( Called Lok Mjas Krong- Hunter …..( Whisky ? )

(left to right)  Sophea, Sokneang, Linda, Sambath

The Last Day Of Study-Tour To Siam Reap

 

(1st line-left to right)sopheary,keam,sambo,linda,sokneang,Sis.sophea,Sis.leakhena,seila,sambath,bunnwat,h.leng,mony

(2nd line)-new friend,darapy,theavy,malab,Sis.maryan,dyna,sambath,chivorn,sovathana

(3rd) siam reap official, meng,dalis,siem,hokchhay,darapong

(the last line) soknaron, prof.heang sang, ? , janith,kongkear,nareth,lyda, ? , piden,Prof. kim narin, tech. chomnan.  

                                    

                                        Ms. Keo Ratanatepy

                               

                                     Ms. Chhoeun Somonnleakhena

 

                           

            ( Left to Right ) Vutha, Pisey , Socheata, Phearak,  H. Leng

                           

                                   Major. Tha Sanhchivorn

                              

                                   My friends during their trip to Chambork,Cambodia

                                       

                                     Ms. Diep Chansophea

                  HIgh School ClassMates, Russey Keo High School

                

( First Line- Left to Right ): Kim Hak, Ream Daro, T. Chanrithy, S. Phearoth,C. Saoden, C. Sophal, L. kompheak, C. Sothea, C. Amnot, S. Kakada, S. kompheak, K. Ekvitou

( Second Line ): P. Phalla, Kim Kanh, K. Maryda, H.Monokanha, N. Nearyroth, S. Sothea, P. Nimol, T. Kongkea, K. Chanty, S. Sokuntheary, S. Soksreymom, A. Tithearny, C. Panharoth, E. Leakhena, C. Sreyoeun, B. Sokheng, L. Molin, D.Dalin, H. Soriya, T. Sophalika.

( Third Line ): O. Pisey, S. Dara, T. Bondos, T. Sokeng, C. Chorporn, H. Channeth, L. Hour, C. Rachna, K. Ratanatepy, S. Narin, T. Lina, T. Nearadey, K. Dany, C. Sokleng, Ng. Rachna, E. HLeng.

( Last Line ): T. Kimchhe, K. Chamrong, V. Sichann, S. Dara, T. Sanhchivorn, M. Rafat, K. Rachna, H. Vibol, S. Senmonorom, H. Lynith.

                                       

                         

                                     Ms. Ly Ratana

                        

  ( left-right ) Ms. Keo Ratanatepy, Ms.( Komarey ) Chan Rachna, Ms. Ly Hour

 

Amnoth, a future engineer

* when my friends view this page, i hope, i will receive photos from him/her soon…..

 

( I am going to take this page to dedicate to all my friends who always dans ma memoire tout les jours.  For me, it is not important to whom i post  photos first or last, but the most important they are my friends !

 

( To Be Continued… ) 

I Beg You Please Send Me Your Photo. Your Photo Is Important To Me To Complete This  Page. Now I can not complete this page without you.

 

Letter From Phnom Penh: It’s Not Bad Luck, But Just Good Chance !

Dear dearest krishna,

I received your letter this morning. It’s a pity that the result of your exam was not successful. Maybe your preparation period was not long enough because of your sickness. Although you say to yourself, it doesn’t matter, I imagine that the fact that you didn’t succeed, somehow affects or shadows your present mental condition, at least unconsciously. For, our mood is so easily influenced by such a small thing in our daily life. But anyway I wish you would succeed in it next time. I hope you are already out of depression when you read this letter, but if you are not, I feel sorry for you. During the time you were in Cambodia, I never saw you depressed as you are now in your last letter and you always overwhelmed me by speaking of depression so vigorously. But I know that you have the ability to ‘play with’ the depression when it comes, instead of being defeated by it completely. However, I was so surprised when you wrote such these phrases: you are getting tired of life, tired of living there, tired of sickness, tired of weakness…etc. I hope that your strength to struggle is much stronger than your “degree of ‘getting tired of everything’ “. I wonder what’s the real problem that makes you said that you feel ’something like extremely tired’ with living in Moscow. I imagine that when you’ve got completely used to one thing, you begin to feel dissatisfied with the status quo and to seek for something new. But I think it would be better not to quit all the comfortable things in your present life. It’s only one year since you have been settled down there in Russia. Dearest darling ! Actually, I don’t understand what’s happening with you now. Are you sick ? or are you missing family ? / From your last letter I cannot make a clear conclusion besides the idea that you are sick and going to have a medical treatment in hospital for along period of time. Is it right ? Tell me pls, darling ! I really want to know what you mean in your last letter. Darling ! If my conclusion is right please take care yourself. Don’t think too much it will be better. It’s not bad luck, but you have to think that it’s good chance for you to find out the meaning of life, the meaning of struggle and the meaning of helping you by yourself. Darling krishna, I have a fairy tale of the 3 princes to tell you. Pls read it and consider the moral of the tale: Long time ago, there were three princes lived in a kingdom– Indrabatr Borei. These 3 princes traveled around, coming upon experience after experience of misfortune and seeming disaster in the lives of others. But as a result of their visits and the happy discoveries they made, the disasters or tragedies were turned into greater successes and happinesses than before. On one occasion, the three princes came to a farmhouse where an unfortunate accident had taken place. The farmer’s only son had been thrown from the farmer’s only horse and had broken his leg. The horse had then run off and could not be found. The farmer was quite distressed, but the three princes told him not to worry, “It’s too soon to judge; something good will happen.” This country happened to be involved in a war at that time with a neighboring country. The next morning, a squad of soldiers arrived at the house to forcefully conscript all young, able-bodied men into the army. As it happened, the farmer’s only son had a broken leg so he was spared from conscription. Later that day, representatives of the government came by to seize all horses that could be used by the army. But since their only horse had run off, again the farmer was spared. Later, the army lost a great battle and most of the men and horses were killed. What appeared to be an unfortunate event, the breaking of the leg and the escape of the horse, turned out to be the salvation of the farmer. Some time later, after the war, the horse came home of its own accord, leading several other wild horses. The son’s leg soon mended. And the farmer was happy. An apparent disaster turned out to be a series of blessings in disguise.

Dearest darling, I think that this sort of thing will happen to you as well this time if you allow it and you look for it. Sometimes, your sickness this time would bring you some good lucks that no one knows. Well, now it’s midnight, darling. I have to go to bed now. So I finish my letter here. I hope that even you’re in hospital, you can receive and read it with the satisfaction.

With my deeply love,

sikar tevie

P.S. Be strong darling ! It’s not your misfortune, but it’s just the test !

Letter From Phnom Penh: Two heads One Heart

letter-from-pp1
Saturday November 15, 2008

Dear krishna,

By the time this letter reaches you, I hope that your first exam on November has been over; though if you’re still in its process, I wish you a good luck.
Thank you very much for your letter ( 17th ). I just received your hand writing letter with the photos yesterday. It’s too late ! I think that the post office in Cambodia works so slowly. It spent more than 3 weeks to reach my hands. How nice of you to have written to me almost every day. But it’s not true that I didn’t write to you ‘for a long time’. You may wonder what I’m doing in these days.
Well, it’s quite an inactive life as before. How can I tell you what I’m feeling when sometimes, I don’t even understand myself? I wish things were perfectly wonderful between us, but we’re going to have to work at it to make them that way. I do believe we have so much to build on… our memories and our love most of all. I may not always understand why we have problems, or exactly how to make our relationship stronger, but I care enough to want us to try to find out. krishna my love! These days I am spending time to read my diary when we were studying in high school. I feel that I did big mistakes on you. Do you remember the Chrismas day (2006) you gave me a bird ? Absolutely, I do believe that you still remember that sorrow day. That time you gave me a small box ( I didn’t expect to recieve from you ). I’m still amazed at what you gave me ! In the red small box there are 2 parts. The first part of the box it’s just a lovely paper-bird. While the second one is the two small paper-hearts. It’s so suprising ! I absolutely know that it’s not just a simple bird and hearts. But it means more than this !
krishna ! Do you know what I was thinking the time when I opened your red box ? I felt angry with you ! I hated you…. I hate someone loves me ! I asked myself why it should be me ? Why ????? That’s why that night after recieving your bird I could not sleep well. I wanted to threw it in front of you to express how much I hate and afraid of the word ” Love “. So I took another bird that I made by myself to you and kept your small bird inside it and said ” It [ my bird ] is pregnant “.( I just found the other two paper-hearts in the second part of your box that’s why I didn’t give you back with your bird that time ) Sonang hery bong eing ! Kom ey amaz mok jerng…:b). Do you still keep that big bird ? Sorry, in fact the baby inside is your bird. I put it in the big bird. I didn’t know that it’s better to keep it or not, I know it means more than just a bird. I afraid that I could not take care it well or make it hurts , so just let you keep it by yourself. And the phrase ” It is pregnant ” -this phrase I wanted to tell you that inside it is a baby, your baby!! Angry ???

On the other hand, krishna I have one question to ask you :

” It is called the Real Love ? When you know that She loves you because She doesn’t want to make you embarrass in turn of rejection “.

Ok, darling I change the topic. Let’s me tell you what is going on in our country:

First of all, it’s so suprising news Gen. Hok Lundy, head of national police, was killed on Sunday November 09,2008 in a helicopter crash while flying to Svay Rieng province in bad weather.

The last but not least news, the dispute between Cambodia and Thailand over preah vihear temple and territory around. I think that it’s the boring topic. Anyway, let’s me express my idea: Everytime of negotiation Thailand insists on the use of maps drawn by itself, without Cambodia’s agreement, is against the spirit of good neighbourly respect and contrary to international laws. Those maps have no legal basis under international laws. So, if Thailand is insisting on using the maps unilaterally drawn by Thailand itself, will there ever be an agreement and peace at all? I have a short story to tell and to ask you. Suppose that your neighbour drew the new plan of his house ( Using the plan drawn by himself without your agreement and authority). His real land only 25*40 but when he drew the new one 30*55. So it is called justice ? Can you accept it ? I do believe that you do not agree ! My conclusion, if that is the case, is there any room for Cambodia to manoeuvre in the negotiations?

Ok, darling in this letter I wrote a lot. I wish that you find it not the boring letter. My last word to you to finish this letter: I want to tell you that the love I have for you is undying. It is a love that is strong and enduring and will stand the test of time. I truly feel blessed that you have become a part of my life. I want to lie next to you and fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake to your beautiful smile. I want to share in your joys and sorrows. I want to be your everything, because you are everything to me.

With love,

sikar tevie

P.S. Don’t forget darling answer my question !

Letter From Moscow: Together….

Moscow, Russian Federation
Saturday,october 18,2008

To loveliest sikar tevie,

Hi darling ! Is everything ok ? For me, I’m fine. Everything is processing by its own ways. Difficulties and loneliness are simple for the guy who is far away from his family and his love. Of course, dearest darling, I’m sure you want to ask me: why I don’t find friends ? In the matter of fact, I have alot of friends right now but I feel that I’m still living lonely. Don’t know why ? It might be of You, sikar tevie! I miss miss miss you so much !!! I want to talk with you, I want to walk with you, I want to sit beside you, I want to hug you to express how much I miss you amd how much I love you. Unfortunately, These few days my sim card is not working. That’s why I couldn’t write sms or call to you to express my love to you. I’m sure i have to change the new one.
Do you know, darling ? When I think of our love it reminds me of all the things you are to me. You and only you have given me so much hope and have made me realize how much I want you! You show the true meaning of how a man should treat a woman. Dearest sikar tevie, please accept my heart as your own and listen to both of ours beating as one. You are my reason to stand up, to take risk and to live. Without you I’m nothing. The years will be a test, but nothing will keep me from loving you, or from being by your side. I just wanted to let you know how much I love all that you are and will be. You’re truly my love, my soul mate, and my best friend. For the first time in my life I have someone to believe in besides my mummy and God. You’ve seen me at my worst and still take me as I am. I thank God for you every day because I know you’re heaven sent, you are my angel. I love you from now till death do us part. Today, it’s enough to show my deep love to you. Ok ! Darling, now I change the topic.

This evening I talked with friends, khmer students in Moscow, about our national problems. One of my friend asked me to translate his poem into English: Thailand, the place of smiling INVADERs. But I denied to translate and post it in our blog. Because it’s useless to do such thing against each other.

In the matter of fact, these few days the tension between Cambodia and Thailand is reaching the cross-road, what i should call “The Useless War “. Now let’s we start our talk about the dispute between Cambodia and Thailand:

On october 15, 2008, Samdach Techo Hun Sen expressed his powerful speech: ” You can step on my foot a little and pull back…. But you can not step on my head.” Of course, he is suitable to call the strongman of Cambodia as Harish Mehta wrote in the book you gave me last year. ( Forget ? You gave this book to me in the day i firstly could see your lovely smile, remember ? Yup men kon nis…).

Now I have an answer to your question and one comment to express my opinion with you, darling.

Your question:

Why our Government does not seek the third parties while the tension along the border is reaching the high temper ?

For my point of view, dearest darling, it can be a political tactics of our government- Samdach Techo Hun Sen. I don’t disagree with you the idea you wrote in the last letter that we can not find good resolution without the third parties. However, my darling, it’s might be solved through the biliteral talk, i think. But the two countries must stick to a truly honest neighborhood principle and the resolutions must be solved basing on the international recognized legal documents and treaties- 1904 and 1907 Siam-French Treaty and the verdict of ICJ 1962. Anyway, it’s the hard work to do that for thailand, I think. On the other hand, if we observe to the international stance to this choice is not welcomed by the UN and ASEAN body as long as the situation is not seriously concerned. So this might make Samdach Hun Sen to have patience for the right time to come.

I have one comment to our government:

We have to understand that,
We can not get any advantages for our country from joining bilateral negotiation ( Besides showing to the international arena that We love peace. We always want to resolve the conflict by peaceful meaning ). Anyway, the longer this tension is going on Cambodia might lose her territorial integrity to Thailand. So the better way is only the third party´s intervention may help and protect the nation from loss, so the third party [ UN, ICJ, and ASEAN ] is needed and the most importance is that all millitary must be ready to protect our territory against any invasions from Thailand.

Darling, I hope you can understand what I mean in my writing today. As cambodians we have to care of our nation. I want to take this opportunity to dedicate to our brave soilders who devote their red blood and tears of their families for homeland!

I finish my writing. But before saying good night I want to tell you that:
” I promise, you’ll always be in my heart. I love you.”

Only you in my heart,

heng krishna

P.S.

Write to me soon. I’m waiting your letter.

Letter From Phnom Penh:Phnom Penh–Moscow Is Not So Far !

Dear heng krishna,

Hi dear ! How are you ? Darest krishna, at the moment I logged in to this blog and first of all, I saw your letter. I could not read your letter without feeling a pain, not because it gave me a shock, but because on the contrary you are too tender and too generous. While reading that, I couldn’t stop weeping and trembling for some minutes. See ? I’m so weak ! I’m still a child ! But a child only in front of you. / I’m getting a little bit irritated by not having enough time to write to you for quite a while. I’m sorry about this. I hope you’re well and enjoying your life where you are now and I’m sure that you’ve adapted yourself to your college life again. Anyway, my consciousness reminds me that you’re not so fine. You miss family, (and Me ??? ) right ? How can I know, darling ? Actually, I spent my time to read the posts of Chao sorn and Leng. They both are missing their families, Cambodia and friends. In the matter of fact, I understand your feeling krishna. But You have to be strong ! Only you can complete your goals. As for me, I’m now quite all right because of my mental and physical efforts. By mental effort, I mean to try not to complain and devote my time instead to reading; by physical effort, I mean to practice sport in my garden, and I found out that physical practice gives me some refreshing pleasantness. Thus I’m preventing myself from falling into depression. Nevertheless I feel lonely and find my present life quite unsatisfactory. Now I began to concentrate on the books by Virginia Woolf, these days. Her actual life was much more interesting than her novels. In her life she suffered nervous breakdowns many times and attempted suicide a couple of times. If it had not been for her husband, she would have put an end to life much earlier. Her husband advised that she should not bear her own children. And the reference book says that they (Virginia and her husband) were equal partners in their married life.

I am sure that you’re eager to know what is going on in our country, right ?

These fews days more Thai troops were deployed to the border area. Today Deputy prime minister of Thailand will arrive in Phnom Penh to have a talk over the tension between two countries. As I know, key issues in the meeting is included a plan to reduce troops, and talks on the Joint Boundary Commission to try to demarcate the border.

Dear krishna, for my point of view, I don’t think we can find good resolution in the dispute without the third side. I mean, why don’t we try to seek the international court ? What is behind the decision of our government ? What our goverment needs from Thailand ? I, sometimes agree with our people who said that ” Why we need to negotiate with thieves? They steal us. Why we are so polite with them? — Take them to the court, please!”. I really want to know the reason why Samdach Techo Hun Sen did not want to file a complaint to the international court instead of trying to have the useless biliteral talk? Anyway, I always believe that our government spare no effort to serve our national interest. It’s top secret ! National problem can not be told to people except vital reason or circumstance.

Ok, dearest darling krishna ! I finish my letter here. I wish to see your letter as soon as possible.
Believe me, darling ! The distance and the time that stand between us is not the reason that make me change my love from you !

Take care of yourself,

With my best love,

sikar tevie

MotherLand Cambodia, Place I Can Not Forget

Yesterday I, krishna and Leng met my friend who just came from Phnom Penh for his long vocation. He started his conversation with what a horrible mess our traffic system was and how bad the electricity supply was. His nose up in the air he went on rambling about all the political and economic chaos our country is going through. Then with a smug smile he continued with how wonderful everything is in Russia and America.
I felt stung with the negative remarks about Cambodia, my beloved country. However, I agreed with him and then simply said,

“I know all the problems are there but still it is my motherland and I love this land.”

Meeting him ( my friend ) that day and listening to his remarks about my motherland set me thinking about how deeply I love this land. I love my motherland just as I love my mother. If my mother is sick, if she is in trouble I will not leave her or turn my back on her. Now that my country has its hundreds of problems do I just vanish from the scene because it is in a bad shape? Will that be my way of thanking the country where I was born?

Te, that cannot be. For I love this soil, my motherland. This is the land that has given my birthrights. This land has given me my freedom to live as an individual. I breathe its air, I use its land, its water and I sleep under its star lit sky. It is this land that has given me honour and love. I was born free and enjoy my freedom within its boundaries. What else does a man need? Freedom, the greatest gift needed to live the life to its greatest height is given to me by this land !
I adore my villages and my towns. The serenity of the green villages as they roll one after another beneath the blue sky touches my soul. I feel a pang of affection for the poor people who live there. They may be poor but their poverty rouses in me the desire to help them.

When I was in my motherland I sometimes went for a walk alone. I saw the Mekong river flowing by. I sat on the bank and thought of the floods that would have them swelling and washing away the poor people’s lands. My heart cries for the loss the people will face. The towns of my country are beset with traffic jams, unplanned housing and poor drainage systems. The cities are over populated and have hundred other problems. And yet I will say that no place in the world feels homely as Phnom Penh does. The capital city reeling under its troubles has given my home. I feel the pain for my motherland just as I feel the pains my mother goes through. Mother, motherland and mother tongue, all seem to be bound to my heart through an invisible thread. When any one of them is well my heart sings amd feel relief but when any one of them is in pain my heart cries.
Love and honesty compliment each other. And I know my country is at the present riddled with problems. The prices of essentials are getting beyond the reach of the common man. There is the desperate need for transition to democracy. The frequent electricity failure makes life hazardous. The long queues of traffic makes one feel like growing wings and fly over it all. Speaking of problems we can go on adding to the list. Maybe the list of the good things done in this land will be shorter and yet does it all make me feel like leaving this country and migrate to a foreign land? No, never. If my motherland is in trouble I have to step in and try to help it, not run away. How can I? Is this not the very land where I was born, the land that has given me its soil to live?

I love my country from the sky above to the bottom of the riverbeds. I love the sky through all seasons. Summer adn raining seasons, I breathe freely under this infinite blue. My heart marvels at the sight of the seasonal flowers and fruits. Rainy days i stood in the pouring rain as if to mingle my spirit with the nature. The smell of the “Malis and Angkeaboth” flowers pierces through my heart and lights the eternal flame of love for this land. I know that soon the summer in october will come and I wish that the blue sky would find me sitting beside the lake staring for long hours at the “Lotus” flowers while they dance with the wind in a pond. I feel a close kinship to my land, to its soil when I am with nature. Every sunrise and sunset that I witness seems to fill my heart with glory, I feel as if I am in heavens just because I witness them in the sky of my motherland. My soul finds life anew and awakes with the sun rising in the horizon. At night a mesmerized me stares at the full moon with the countless stars in the cambodian sky. I am in heavens! I tell myself. How peacefully and how contentedly I can watch the beautiful sky. With all these aesthetic feelings comes a feeling of belongingness to this whole world just because I happen to be in my own motherland. This land is my love, it holds my destiny. I feel my very roots holding me to this land. It is like the umbilical cord that tied me to my mother before I was born.

My country has given me the gift of my mother tongue Khmer, the language through which I laugh and cry, the language that gives me the freedom to read, write out my heart and to speak all want i want to say. Especially, a phrase i once talked to a girl ” I love you. I want to give my faithful love to you. I want to care you. I am happy to see you live in happinese around my hands”. If I did not have a language to express my thoughts and emotions freely how suffocating life would have been! How dearly we have paid for our language and independence! Why did your language martyrs and our freedom fighters lay down their lives if I leave my country to live in another foreign land because it offers me more comforts and luxuries of life? Will I be doing justice to the millions who have given their blood for this country? If I want to live a worthy life will I not contribute a little to my nation? If each and every citizen contributed his or her part to the cause of nation building would we not be a stronger nation?

Socially, politically and economically we are challenged. And so the dire need of the hour is that we, each and every citizen stand in unity to help our country- Cambodia. Patriotism cannot be only dreamed about, it has to be there, in our actions. There are people who offer lip services, some who remain unmoved by the tears of their country and some who flee for their own benefits. The country, my beloved Cambodia needs its people, people who can come forward and help it overcome its hurdles. Can we not overcome obstacles that lay on the way of our nation’s prosperity? We have won our freedom with sheer strength of unity and surely we can win another war, the war of standing with our head up among the other nations of the world?
It is said that the deepest feelings often remain beyond words. Although I can go on about how I love my country. However, I feel that the exact feeling for the pang of love that clutches my heart for my country is beyond my words. To my friend the ease and comforts of America and Russia are more important. Of course he has all his rights to choose his happiness. But to me life comes on a different path, through the roots that binds me. I felt welcome and happy and yet I just could not leave my motherland and settle down there. My happiness in my small, poor country is greater. This happiness makes me feel like a bird that soars up in the infinity of the sky. And at times I feel like a proud hen. All my chicks are under my wings and I live, clucking on my own soil; my very own Cambodia. How happily I sing,
“ Romdoul Angkor” ! or ” Proud to be Cambodian ” !

Now even I am far away from my beloved country, yet my heart, my soul and my memoir is in Cambodia, where my family, relatives, friends and people are living with pride. I decided to leave my country for finding higher education because I love my country ! I want to help this small and poor country ! I never regret with my decision to left her this time. I will come back when I finish my higher education in this country ( Russia ) .

Ream S. Mony

To Dearest Mother

letter to parents
My darling Mother,

It has been almost a year since I left you, Mother. I am continually amazed at how much I miss you. I’ve wanted to pick up the phone so many times to share something that is going on in my life here. But I am hesitated to share with you. So many things touch me in deep places now and kon know it’s because of you, Mother. I find myself crying many times – at little things. A word my second russian mother talked to me as if I were her own son, a word on a TV show, a passage in a book, seeing children with their mothers on the road, or just because. Tears have always been hard for kon. You never taught me how to cry. You taught me how to withhold my feelings and be strong on the outside and inside.

Having a mother like you while growing up is the greatest gift and biggest advantage anyone could ever have given kon. It is because of the confidence and values that you instilled in me that made me who I am today. Mother, thank you for shaping me into a person who I like and am proud to be. Thank you letting kon believe that I could be whoever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do, there were no limitations except my drive, ambition and creativity.

There are still some things I remember you teaching me or saying to me I will probably never agree with. I was angry sometime about them. There are other things in which I’m now able to see your wisdom, hindsight is so clear! For those I can now thank you. Through it all though, I know you are always doing your best for me and the rest of the family. You have lived your life based on a truth I do not yet know.I remember all the times you had to remind me to clean my room. I thought all mothers felt it their duty to constantly reinforce the chores they wanted to have repeatedly done. i had no idea that you were reminding me because you wanted me to be the ” Best ” that I could be ! Now, Mother I am grown. I appreciate the guidance and your deepest and purest love I have gotten from you. I can, with pride, say that ” I owe it all to you– Mother that care enough to share with me your very best” .

Having you in my life through out my infertility has been a literal life and sanity saver for me. If there was a text book on how to be the perfect mother to a son, it would have you as the role model.

Thank you for being such a wonderful mother when your own mother never held you, never told you she loved you. Thank you for being so wonderful when your own childhood was so hard, your mother was so hard. I am so sorry you never got to experience how wonderful it is to have a loving caring mother.

Thank you dearest mother, I love you, more than words can ever express.

Eng H. Leng