My dearest Mother,
It has been almost two years since I left you, Mother. I am continually amazed at how much I miss you. I’ve wanted to pick up the phone so many times to share something that is going on in my life here. But I am hesitated to share with you. So many things touch me in deep places now and kon know it’s because of you, Mother. I find myself crying many times – at little things. A word my second russian mother talked to me as if I were her own son, a word on a TV show, a passage in a book, seeing children with their mothers on the road, or just because. Tears have always been hard for kon. You never taught me how to cry. You taught me how to withhold my feelings and be strong on the outside and inside.
Having a mother like you while growing up is the greatest gift and biggest advantage anyone could ever have given kon. It is because of the confidence and values that you instilled in me that made me who I am today. Mother, thank you for shaping me into a person who I like and am proud to be. Thank you letting kon believe that I could be whoever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do, there were no limitations except my drive, ambition and creativity.
There are still some things I remember you teaching me or saying to me I will probably never agree with. I was angry sometime about them. There are other things in which I’m now able to see your wisdom, hindsight is so clear! For those I can now thank you. Through it all though, I know you are always doing your best for me and the rest of the family. You have lived your life based on a truth I do not yet know.I remember all the times you had to remind me to clean my room. I thought all mothers felt it their duty to constantly reinforce the chores they wanted to have repeatedly done. i had no idea that you were reminding me because you wanted me to be the ” Best ” that I could be ! Now, Mother I am grown. I appreciate the guidance and your deepest and purest love I have gotten from you. I can, with pride, say that ” I owe it all to you– Mother that care enough to share with me your very best” .
Having you in my life through out my infertility has been a literal life and sanity saver for me. If there was a text book on how to be the perfect mother to a son, it would have you as the role model.
Thank you for being such a wonderful mother when your own mother never held you, never told you she loved you. Thank you for being so wonderful when your own childhood was so hard, your mother was so hard. I am so sorry you never got to experience how wonderful it is to have a loving caring mother.
Thank you dearest mother, I love you, more than words can ever express.