Letter From Phnom Penh: It’s Not Bad Luck, But Just Good Chance !

Dear dearest krishna,

I received your letter this morning. It’s a pity that the result of your exam was not successful. Maybe your preparation period was not long enough because of your sickness. Although you say to yourself, it doesn’t matter, I imagine that the fact that you didn’t succeed, somehow affects or shadows your present mental condition, at least unconsciously. For, our mood is so easily influenced by such a small thing in our daily life. But anyway I wish you would succeed in it next time. I hope you are already out of depression when you read this letter, but if you are not, I feel sorry for you. During the time you were in Cambodia, I never saw you depressed as you are now in your last letter and you always overwhelmed me by speaking of depression so vigorously. But I know that you have the ability to ‘play with’ the depression when it comes, instead of being defeated by it completely. However, I was so surprised when you wrote such these phrases: you are getting tired of life, tired of living there, tired of sickness, tired of weakness…etc. I hope that your strength to struggle is much stronger than your “degree of ‘getting tired of everything’ “. I wonder what’s the real problem that makes you said that you feel ’something like extremely tired’ with living in Moscow. I imagine that when you’ve got completely used to one thing, you begin to feel dissatisfied with the status quo and to seek for something new. But I think it would be better not to quit all the comfortable things in your present life. It’s only one year since you have been settled down there in Russia. Dearest darling ! Actually, I don’t understand what’s happening with you now. Are you sick ? or are you missing family ? / From your last letter I cannot make a clear conclusion besides the idea that you are sick and going to have a medical treatment in hospital for along period of time. Is it right ? Tell me pls, darling ! I really want to know what you mean in your last letter. Darling ! If my conclusion is right please take care yourself. Don’t think too much it will be better. It’s not bad luck, but you have to think that it’s good chance for you to find out the meaning of life, the meaning of struggle and the meaning of helping you by yourself. Darling krishna, I have a fairy tale of the 3 princes to tell you. Pls read it and consider the moral of the tale: Long time ago, there were three princes lived in a kingdom– Indrabatr Borei. These 3 princes traveled around, coming upon experience after experience of misfortune and seeming disaster in the lives of others. But as a result of their visits and the happy discoveries they made, the disasters or tragedies were turned into greater successes and happinesses than before. On one occasion, the three princes came to a farmhouse where an unfortunate accident had taken place. The farmer’s only son had been thrown from the farmer’s only horse and had broken his leg. The horse had then run off and could not be found. The farmer was quite distressed, but the three princes told him not to worry, “It’s too soon to judge; something good will happen.” This country happened to be involved in a war at that time with a neighboring country. The next morning, a squad of soldiers arrived at the house to forcefully conscript all young, able-bodied men into the army. As it happened, the farmer’s only son had a broken leg so he was spared from conscription. Later that day, representatives of the government came by to seize all horses that could be used by the army. But since their only horse had run off, again the farmer was spared. Later, the army lost a great battle and most of the men and horses were killed. What appeared to be an unfortunate event, the breaking of the leg and the escape of the horse, turned out to be the salvation of the farmer. Some time later, after the war, the horse came home of its own accord, leading several other wild horses. The son’s leg soon mended. And the farmer was happy. An apparent disaster turned out to be a series of blessings in disguise.

Dearest darling, I think that this sort of thing will happen to you as well this time if you allow it and you look for it. Sometimes, your sickness this time would bring you some good lucks that no one knows. Well, now it’s midnight, darling. I have to go to bed now. So I finish my letter here. I hope that even you’re in hospital, you can receive and read it with the satisfaction.

With my deeply love,

sikar tevie

P.S. Be strong darling ! It’s not your misfortune, but it’s just the test !

Letter From Phnom Penh: Two heads One Heart

letter-from-pp1
Saturday November 15, 2008

Dear krishna,

By the time this letter reaches you, I hope that your first exam on November has been over; though if you’re still in its process, I wish you a good luck.
Thank you very much for your letter ( 17th ). I just received your hand writing letter with the photos yesterday. It’s too late ! I think that the post office in Cambodia works so slowly. It spent more than 3 weeks to reach my hands. How nice of you to have written to me almost every day. But it’s not true that I didn’t write to you ‘for a long time’. You may wonder what I’m doing in these days.
Well, it’s quite an inactive life as before. How can I tell you what I’m feeling when sometimes, I don’t even understand myself? I wish things were perfectly wonderful between us, but we’re going to have to work at it to make them that way. I do believe we have so much to build on… our memories and our love most of all. I may not always understand why we have problems, or exactly how to make our relationship stronger, but I care enough to want us to try to find out. krishna my love! These days I am spending time to read my diary when we were studying in high school. I feel that I did big mistakes on you. Do you remember the Chrismas day (2006) you gave me a bird ? Absolutely, I do believe that you still remember that sorrow day. That time you gave me a small box ( I didn’t expect to recieve from you ). I’m still amazed at what you gave me ! In the red small box there are 2 parts. The first part of the box it’s just a lovely paper-bird. While the second one is the two small paper-hearts. It’s so suprising ! I absolutely know that it’s not just a simple bird and hearts. But it means more than this !
krishna ! Do you know what I was thinking the time when I opened your red box ? I felt angry with you ! I hated you…. I hate someone loves me ! I asked myself why it should be me ? Why ????? That’s why that night after recieving your bird I could not sleep well. I wanted to threw it in front of you to express how much I hate and afraid of the word ” Love “. So I took another bird that I made by myself to you and kept your small bird inside it and said ” It [ my bird ] is pregnant “.( I just found the other two paper-hearts in the second part of your box that’s why I didn’t give you back with your bird that time ) Sonang hery bong eing ! Kom ey amaz mok jerng…:b). Do you still keep that big bird ? Sorry, in fact the baby inside is your bird. I put it in the big bird. I didn’t know that it’s better to keep it or not, I know it means more than just a bird. I afraid that I could not take care it well or make it hurts , so just let you keep it by yourself. And the phrase ” It is pregnant ” -this phrase I wanted to tell you that inside it is a baby, your baby!! Angry ???

On the other hand, krishna I have one question to ask you :

” It is called the Real Love ? When you know that She loves you because She doesn’t want to make you embarrass in turn of rejection “.

Ok, darling I change the topic. Let’s me tell you what is going on in our country:

First of all, it’s so suprising news Gen. Hok Lundy, head of national police, was killed on Sunday November 09,2008 in a helicopter crash while flying to Svay Rieng province in bad weather.

The last but not least news, the dispute between Cambodia and Thailand over preah vihear temple and territory around. I think that it’s the boring topic. Anyway, let’s me express my idea: Everytime of negotiation Thailand insists on the use of maps drawn by itself, without Cambodia’s agreement, is against the spirit of good neighbourly respect and contrary to international laws. Those maps have no legal basis under international laws. So, if Thailand is insisting on using the maps unilaterally drawn by Thailand itself, will there ever be an agreement and peace at all? I have a short story to tell and to ask you. Suppose that your neighbour drew the new plan of his house ( Using the plan drawn by himself without your agreement and authority). His real land only 25*40 but when he drew the new one 30*55. So it is called justice ? Can you accept it ? I do believe that you do not agree ! My conclusion, if that is the case, is there any room for Cambodia to manoeuvre in the negotiations?

Ok, darling in this letter I wrote a lot. I wish that you find it not the boring letter. My last word to you to finish this letter: I want to tell you that the love I have for you is undying. It is a love that is strong and enduring and will stand the test of time. I truly feel blessed that you have become a part of my life. I want to lie next to you and fall asleep in your arms. I want to wake to your beautiful smile. I want to share in your joys and sorrows. I want to be your everything, because you are everything to me.

With love,

sikar tevie

P.S. Don’t forget darling answer my question !