WHO AM I ?

WHO AM I ? WHY I HAVE TO LIVE ?

These are the questions I’ve been asking myself for years. For a long time I have lived my life like a sitcom. Each episode their own and each episode portraying a different “person”. Who was I going to be that week, who did I want to be that week? Growing up in a middle-class family, I had enough the luxury of doing almost anything I wanted to do. I, as a young boy, played football, table tennis, rode bycicle, whatever I had the opportunity to do. I loved singing alone, recorded my own voice in recorder at age 16, and thought I was going to tour the world as a super man or a famous one. I was the one day famous man and whatever else evoked some inspiration for my flavor of the week. But while I look back on my decisions (whether right or wrong) one thing always remained true… I followed what made me passionate at that time.

Now I sit back and see where I am now and what I have overcome and I can honestly say that there were a couple of years that I did not know if I would have passed. I was definitely gullible, naive, and vulnerable with the people that I had met and had made a choice to hang out with. But through it all, I can only say that I am grateful for my family and my real friends who have stuck by me while I may have turned my back on them. I am grateful for core people in my life who have supported me since day one and who really want to see me at my best.

I know I am intelligent, talented, ambitious, and driven. I believe that life is what you make it. You can be whoever you want to be and you can achieve all that you want if you set your mind to it. I am energized with life experiences. I love to travel, to take risk, to grow, to invest, to read, and to reflect.

Life it meant to be lived and I am starting now… age 20.

Ream Sok Mony

Letter From Moscow: So Far, Yet So Close

                                                                            Moscow, Russian Federation             

                                                                            Saturday, September 13, 2008

 

Dear sikar tevie,

Hi honey, how have you been ? This is my latest letter to you, I think. I’m sorry about this. Now it’s raining cats and dogs in Moscow. The winter is coming. I’ve catched a cold since thursday. Don’t worry darling ! It will be better soon.  I’ve just finished Georges Bataille’s ” Histoire De L’Oeil “.  Well, I was most moved by the passage where they found the priest with his ” verge rose et dure ” after Simone’s confession. Three of them, the narrator, Simone and Sir Edmond seem very cruel in a way, but they are also a little bit comical. But the scenes after her confeesion in the church were too much for me. It was almost unreal, but what is curious about this book is that it is real and at the same time unreal. I think it was brilliant of G. Bataille to say in the book that the sacred bread is sperm of Christ and the wine is urine. I’ve never known such a complete, terrible atheist as Bataille. Oop ! I forget to tell you: tevie, I started my new acadimic study year since Monday, September 01,2008. It’s abit difficult ! Anyway, I have to work hard. This I always know. Honey, thank you very much for your deepest love ever had tome. I know someone will never read this, but I want only you to know that I love you with all my heart and all my soul. I’m in love with you even though I am thousands of miles away from you; I am forever by your side. You know more about me than anyone, you know my thoughts, and you know my heart inside and out. My dear darling, you have a way of making my heart skip a beat, and I want you and the whole world to know, that I love you, sikar tevie, and I will be forever yours. Thank you for showing me what kind of love all women deserve. You know darling, since you came into my life, I’ve been so happy. The fact that we’re a thousand miles apart is not a matter at all because you are always in my heart. You told me that I’m the right one. I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. I am waiting for the days to make our dreams come true. I’ll wait for you for a lifetime if you want me to. Do you know why? Because you are the only one who sees me while I am invisible to others. I hope you never quit seeing how much my love for you is true.

Well, in this letter I’m going to focus on two things: The first is about your problem and the second one I’m going to share with you about the dispute between Cambodia and Thailand.

You wrote in your e-mail:

Two weeks ago one of my classmates ( maybe you know him too )  called me to join a small party with other friends before his leaving to continue studying in the United State. You know what happened, krishna ? I did a mistake  because I gave him the good chance to talk with me while my friends were out side the house. Actually, I thought that It’s no problem because he is my good friend. He prepared this plan to talk face to face with me. He brought a finance ring  to me. He said ” tevie, I love you so much ! Marry me. Wait for me please[...]“.

sikar tevie, my princess in the kingdom of my heart, although I feel very empty I don’t feel like falling into depression. I don’t like to be sad. Can you imagine in what kind of mental condition I am ? It’s very difficult to explain; maybe it’s ” not good, not bad.” Ok, I should finish this writting with the phrase ” Love is blind “.

Ok, darlilng,let’s continue our discussion about the dispute between Cambodia and Thailand. Darling, I’m so satified with your idea in the last letter. It’s so important to understand  the real history between the two countries. In this letter I’m going to share my idea involve with the topic  ” When Cambodia cries wolf “ . 

 First of all, I should  change this topic to ” Cambodia Cries Wolf, While Thailand Crocodile Tears “.

Is it justice to accuse Cambodia for seeking international court and outside help  to stop Thailand from encroaching its sovereignty as cry wolf ? Plato said ” To do injustice is more disgraceful than to suffer it.” So Thailand does just that. It’s a shameful action ! Is it the action of civilized country ? In the article, it also mentioned that : Thailand reputation overseas has sunk to its lowest level ever. Of course, you’re right ! Thank Buddha that realize him, the writer of the article, to know the fact. Who has sunk the Thailand reputation overseas to its lowest level ever ?  I answer for you- The PAD and the Democrat Party.  Moreover, the author also failed to mention since 1954 after Cambodia refused to join up Thailand dysfunctional SEATO, so its foreign policy has been very pervasive toward Cambodia neutrality. In records, it is understood Thailand has had sponsored Khmer rebels and opponents of King Norodom Sihanouk rule to wage war along its border during period. The plots and ploys seemed fitting genocidal frame as it recruited Khmer ethnic from both side of its unilaterally drawn border to engage in its war of expansionism. Because of its ill-will from the past, I see ASEAN is a new breeding ground for Thailand demagogy.  Also I see the author fell short of courage to directly attack Cambodia former King Norodom Sihanouk as one of the key players in taking Thailand to court and the Non Aligned Nations Movement. At that time Thanat Khoman was enraged to organize a demonstration to insult King Norodom Sihanouk. His malice was to provoke a full scale war over International Court of Justice Preah Vihear ruling too. 

Religiously speaking, the author of the article is violating own national religion, Buddhism, at least four of the Buddhist eight noble paths: 1- Samma-Ditthi: Right View, 2- Samma-Sankappa: Right Thought, 3- Samma- Vacca: Right Speech, 4- Samma-Kammata: Right Action.

Ok, I finish here, darling. Before say good bye, I want to let you know that: You ! Only you, tevie ! you have always had the key to my heart, and you inside my heart has made me more than I can ever be. Though the sea separates us till that special day, I know we take each breath with every beat, and always together … as one. I love you with all that I am.

With love,

heng krishna

P.S.

Write to me soon, darling.